Voltaire – I’m Too Old For This Crap


I am 75, and while most of my life has been spent insulting officials and then subsequently calling a cell in the Bastille my home for a few months, I have never regretted speaking my mind.

I believe there is change sparking in France, and all I can say is, “It took you long enough!”.  I’ve been provoking these pigs in their castles my entire life, and they wait until I can’t even go to la toilette on my own to start stirring things up?

At any rate, France and especially Paris is on the cusp of revolution, I can feel it in my decrepit bones! I wish I could be in Paris at this important time in history, but that jerk of a king Louis XV has exiled me again, a sentence repeated almost as much as his name. I guess imagination runs thin in the family. I write from Geneva, which is likely for the better as I feel I can cut deeper through my writing than through any sword I can still lift in my old age.

I have been corresponding with colleagues of mine who remain in Paris, and they describe a level of tension in the city. Every day the hungry men and women look angrier with the royalty stepping on them, and they agree with me that revolution is near. I only hope that I will live to see the day that the fragile tower of royalty is toppled.

I am confident that France will be a constitutional monarchy soon, like England, a political system I have always admired. France will be free one day, but it must happen soon, for France’s sake.

After drinking my average 60 cups of coffee today, I felt an aching of my chest. I worry again that my life is coming to a close and that I will not live to see a free France. This picture should show how weathered I have become in my old age.


Is this the face of a freedom fighter, one may ask? Most would say no, this is the face of a grandparent or an old farmer. I may never raise a blade for France, but as long as I have hands my ink will touch paper to invigorate Parisian citizens to rise up!

Now, Voltaire is getting tired, and his hip aches. Talk again soon!

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